A lot of awareness has started on depression. We have come a long way from the times depression was considered a thing for ladies and guys being sad were considered pussies !! Over course of time, people have come to accept depression as a state of mind, as an illness that anyone can suffer and that requires support from near and dear ones.
I see Facebook posts stating you are not alone and people asking to ping them, if at any point of time, you feel so. I sometimes ask myself, is it for real as a society have we started showing concern for others for reasons other than greed or profit. This is a huge step for humanity much larger than what Neil Armstrong would have taken perhaps.
As I walk back home, I see the sunset, glowing in its golden bask. I see people watching the same and smiling to themselves like I do. The evening breeze from the nearby golf course and parks swivel my unkempt hair and I try to make it look combed as I walk on.
I watch the park from outside as I walk past it. A lot of families, kids playing with other kids, kids playing with families, old persons walking, smiling,talking to each other and in distance, couples smug into each other trying to escape attention of others and drowning in each other.
As I walk on, I find in distance small food stalls with people swarming around them, trying to gossip as they gulp down the food. There’s a sugarcane vendor and I go to him, take a glass of sugarcane juice as I continue my evening back. It’s getting late as the sun has lost its shine. It’s moved on to some other place as the creaks get louder on my way back home.
I walk silently observing people walking beside me, all in some unknown hurry. Young kids in a hurry to lose some unwanted weight, mothers in a hurry to reach back home, matured adults in a hurry to go back to their busy lives having taken a break to soak some airs. My hands in my pockets, I walk on slowly in peace.
I reach my apartment, smile at the guards . I reach my place and I sit down for a minute. ‘Fine’ comes to my mind, my neighbor had just asked me outside how I was and I smiled and replied fine. It’s a different world perhaps I chuckle where people want to help others. It’s not one I grew up in and somehow yet with all these questions, concerns, Facebook posts etc, I still don’t feel anything different about myself. I still don’t feel like I want to open up. I still don’t feel the world is fair or I belong to it. I still feel indifferent, I still feel alone.
As I stand on the chair with the noose in my hands, I feel surreal, a bit odd and highly nostalgic yet I don’t feel I want to talk about it to someone real. With a sheepish smile on my face, I finally take the step you can’t take back.
P.S:- It’s a random musing that came to my mind as I feel as a society we still are yet to do much to reach out to people who cannot reach out themselves.